Okay, this week I’ve been really lazy. I haven’t been down the gym as much as I’d like, (scratch that; haven’t been down as much as I *should*) and I’ve not shaved, either. And one of these things has caused me to be really concerned. And it’s the shaving thing.

Because, you see, my problem is this; having let my pathetic excuse for facial hair grow untouched for, ooh, about 10 days, I’ve made a shocking discovery. Aside from the realization that I’m apparently not manly enough to carry off a proper beard (probably for the best) the shocker is that the hairs that do grow appear to be ginger.


Somebody shoot me 😉 It’s a bit like waking up one morning and somebody telling you that you’re cornish. Suddenly you lose all self respect, and the urge to hide away from people becomes ever stronger. That said, I’m still kind of hurt that there aren’t enough hormones to power proper beard growth (who’d have thought!!) so I’ve come up with a plan. No, better than that….I’ve come up with A Plan!!!! See, it deserves italics and everything.

My Plan is that, in the summer, when I have a fortnight off work (for world cup, wheee!!) I shall deliberately not shave, in a scientific (yes, scientific… I shall wear glasses and *everything* ) experiment to see whether I could conceivably carry off a beard. You know, full time. I happen to think that I won’t, partly because of the aforementioned ‘not growing facial hair very well’ issue, but also because I might look in the mirror and see my father, which would be just too weird for words.

Of course, if it transpires that a beard does not look ridiculous, I shall be really clever and have lots of those small photographs taken so that I can convince people I’m not receding at all. I would do this by turning the photograph upside-down, thus making it appear that I have no beard at all…and ginger hair.

Hmm. Stupid idea, that.