Today’s rant will be about text messaging.

I quite like text messaging. It’s quick, cheap, and especially if you don’t want to actually talk to the person concerned. It used to annoy me that people never spell anything properly and use stupid abbreviations (“LO m8, hope ur ok”) but I’ve got over that. After all, I use abbreviations everyday, like that “it’s” up there, and if you were being really academic about it you could say that this is what happens to language; it evolves, every generation adds its own twist. I bet Shakespeare would be completely lost reading newspapers nowadays, I know I never understood a bloody word of what he wrote. (although, in truth, I imagine that if Will were to come back he’d try to get some royalties out of West Side Story. Either that or completely disassociate himself from it.)

No. What probably annoys me most is that its very difficult to get any tone from a text message. Something seemingly harmless like “I’ll see you whenever you get home” could be either a harmless see-you-later message, or it could mean “you bastard, you’ve been down the pub again, your dinner’s in the dog” Quite a lot of what people communicate isn’t actually said. I reckon that at least half of what you tell (for want of a better word..maybe I should use ‘communicate to’) is in the tone of the words, rather than the words themselves. That’s why people who speak in a monotone are really boring.

I sometimes wonder how all this stuff I write here comes across. When I read it, I naturally put an inflection here or there that makes it somehow mean more (at least to me) Possibly anybody reading it would get completely lost in my rambling style. Still, that just shows that they’re silly

Ooh, body language, that’s another thing. I’m really hopeless at picking up on body language, especially from women. It’s possible (okay, not likely, but possible) that my dream woman has been metaphorically throwing herself at me for years but I’ve too slow on the uptake to notice the glances, the open body stance, whatever. I still reckon it’d be so much easier if women had the foresight to carry round some cards. Perhaps green (yeah, baby, let’s do it *right* here), amber (hmm…not sure, buy me more alcohol) or red (come closer and I’ll call the police) cards would work fine.

Naturally, us blokes would not need such devices because it’s almost a given that any woman that talks to us would be guaranteed at least an amber (and in all probability a green. We’re really not that choosy)

Anyway, where was I. Oh yes. Women and text messaging. This is the biggie. The text messaging conundrum that really annoys me.

Why the hell do you put those bloody ‘x’s all over the place?! What does it mean? If I reply with an x at the end, am I trying to seduce you? Do two of them on your part mean that you’re trying to get into my trousers? Or, (and this is the one I believe to be closest to the truth) do you throw out x’s willy-nilly, just because you can, you 24th-letter-of-the-alphabet harlots. Maybe it’s just too much hard work to move your thumb back up to the 1 of the phone’s keypad for an full stop. (I know I hardly ever see one)

And another thing. (this is kinda weird) Why is it that a lower case x is so much cuter than an upper case X? What’s that all about?

It would be so much easier just to phone me sometimes. I can hold a conversation. Well, sort of. I find it less taxing on the phone, the temptation to look at breasts is reduced. (although not eradicated, sometimes I stare a bit whilst on the phone. Possibly a future restraining order.)

Night night. Take care. xx