I went to a pub quiz last night. I quite like quizzes, mainly cos I’m the sort of person who remembers completely irrelevant details (and hence usually do quite well in such things) Unfortunately, our team was somewhat diminished, and we were down to two. We actually would have won, (or at least, tied) but I decided that Vicci had no idea what SONAR stood for and vetoed her ‘navigation’ suggestion. Naturally it transpired that she was right, earning me beration for the next twelve months. This despite me knowing what the ‘S’ in BSE stands for. (I also know the B and the E, but I figured that such smugness isn’t very good.) Anyway, it was fun.

You know when you think you’re about to sneeze but then don’t? What do you reckon happens to the little lost sneezes? I reckon they go to a little Sneeze school in the back of your head (just behind the bit of your brain that tells you what yellow looks like.) where they go for some retraining. Quite obviously the poor little blighters are failures as sneezes, so they need to get requalified. I can just imagine (really, I can) Phil the sneeze being talked to by the careers advisor.

“Now, Phil; I’ve brought you in today to talk about your future. Have you had any thoughts about what you want to be when you grow up?”

“Yes Miss. I want to be the flu, Miss.”

“We-eelll, I don’t think you’ll be able to go into that, I’m afraid. It says here that your marks in Tissue Usage are only average, and even worse, your performance in Stiff Necks, Bloodshot Eyes, and Irritability has been poor this Term.”

“What can I do then? I always wanted to be the flu..”

“Right, well, I’ll tell you what we’ll do; I’ll give you some leaflets about a bit of part-time Sniffling. If you do well in that, I see no reason why you can’t eventually get promoted to Colds, and of course, if you’re lucky, you’ll find yourself in a man, in which case you’ll have been fast-tracked to near-fatal flu in almost no time!”