You know, one day, we’ll draw 0-0 and it’ll be a really crap game. At least I’d be able to remember who bloody scored! Anyway, this was a really good game by anybody’s standards..some of the defending on both sides could be said to be a bit ropey, but what the hell, it made it all the more interesting for the watching hordes of fans. Possibly.

Missing Steve Badcott, (who was probably busy with his can of spray paint writing “You jammy red-and-white shirted bastards!” on the entry gates of St James’ Park) the Perceys were still able to turn up with 8 players, so good show all around, especially after such a long break. As ever, Terry Murray volunteered to start on the side, perhaps to save his scarred knees for a further 5 minutes. The Perceys started brightly, with Ballo winning a tackle in midfield and releasing Scales to just put the ball over the bar. However, the breakthrough was not long in coming, when Scales was able to finish off in style after good work by (I think!) Cocks. Even this early in the game, the good guys were playing with a controlled fluidity (nice word..) and it wasn’t too long before a clever little bit of interplay between Scales and Cocks allowed the Pornmeister to slide it home with very little resistance.

Sadly, though, Sparky’s, marshalled as ever by that old warhorse Barry Hayward (and not Dame Edna Everage herself, Barry Humphries, as I mentioned in a previous report!) were quick to respond. A clever ball from their no. 7 inside the full back allowed the little bloke they had playing up front to finish well, from what appeared to be inside the area. As ever, though, this merely served to galvanise the Percey’s into action once more. A corner was won on the left hand side, and Scales drove the ball across the face of the goal towards Murray. Sadly, Murray’s swing at it caught very little of the ball. Fortunately, though, Ballo had used his legendary (legendary, as in “doesn’t have any”!) pace to lope up unnoticed, and he was able to lash the ball home in style. Amazingly.

Please note…the next few paragraphs are open for discussion, because I can’t remember what happened, exactly. I think it was 4-6 at half-time, but I’m really not certain at all. Sorry about that!

The opposition were not done for yet, though, ooh, no indeedy not. They scored again, which just goes to show what happens when you forget how to defend, as the Perceys did for a mad 20 minute spell either side of half-time. The whites did manage to make it 4-2, through a well-taken Scales goal (which in truth looked inside the area, too, but maybe ref Burman felt that evened things out), but before too long the Percey’s did seem to be anonymous in defence, and this led to, I think, 4 quick goals before half-time.

Following a ‘colourful’ half-time talk from the Pornmeister, the second half-started quite well, at least until the Sparky’s striker was able to score from an almost impossible angle inside the near post. By this stage, of course, Cocksy was almost apoplectic with rage..a small vein on his forehead had started to throb like a, great big throbby vein, so the Percey’s made a collective decision to pull out the proverbial finger. Now was the time when the team started playing well, with Terry doing his usual tricks, big Al playing like a god, again, and Whisky moving up front to try to pressurise the Sparky’s defence.

Our heroes got the the break their play deserved when Marek Cole had a crack at goal from about twenty yards. The goalie seemed to have it covered, but no, it slipped through his fingers, and aided by a handy gust of wind, the ball crept over the line for 5-7. (not the first time Cole has scored a goal like that, either. Still, they all count!) This lucky break gave the Percey’s the impetus they needed, and soon they were creating all sort of chances, with Ballo producing a good save from the Sparky’s keeper, and Whisky very unlucky not to score when he hit the post, and then had to endure the agony of watching the ball rest against the opposite post.

As the game got into the last 10 minutes, Cocksy was able to score his 2nd of the evening after more sterling work by Terry on the left. Not long after that, Percey’s equalised through JD, who kept up his impressive scoring form to equalise with 6 minutes left. If there was to be a winner, it was only going to be the Percey’s, and after a shocking foul on Whisky in the last minute, it seemed certain that Burman would blow for a penalty. However, this didnt happen, possibly because the ref had been enjoying himself so much he felt a shame if somebody had to win. Still, the Percey’s still could have won, but sadly JD’s shot from the free kick was well saved by the goalie, and we all went home glad that we’d played well against one of the best sides in the division. It was also good to see that Cocksy’s vitriol and gone back below the decibel levels of a thermonuclear bomb.

So, a good performance in general, with the typically Percey’s ropey bit in the middle. Next match is the re-arranged game vs BTFA, on sunday 16th jan, at 7pm.

Team; Kingdon; Ballard; Head; Down; Cole; Cocks; Scales: Started as sub; Murray.