Stogey Rovers were given a footballing masterclass by the Perceys, in match in which top scorer James Down was absent. On some sort of course, apparently. The Perceys lined with the Usual Suspects (minus Down) plus new boy Alex Kingdon making his second start in goal. Of course, the lack of JD meant that the James Down Appreciation Society had something better to do, like, oooh, I dunno…washing their hair, possibly, or watching Neighbours (which is dead good just now cos Darcy (yes, that evil doctor one) has returned from the slammer. Aaah. great days!)

Rovers had beaten the Perceys 5-2 on the previous occasion, in a match which was overshadowed by the Badcott-Cocksy handbag situation. No such fun, this evening, though, as everybody on the team performed well, and defended admirably, as well as showed no mean flair in front of goal. The exhibition started when Cole was able to convert from a really tight angle, after excellent work from Terry on the left hand side. There’s a rumour in the Percey ranks that Terry Murray is really the long-lost brother of that bloke out of Riverdance, so fast do his twinkling toes move. It was an interesting match all round for he of the infamous telephone call, for he was on the receiving end of some typically strong challenges, which resulted in some loud complaining from the Perceys team, and, indeed, Terry himself. Still, it doesn’t really matter, cos the Perceys were defending really well at this stage, and some of the passing was first-rate.

Before too long, Percey’s were 2-0 up. Now, I’m not entirely sure what happened because I was trying to work out how to put Terry’s coat thing on (look; it was inside out, okay? really technical), but apparently a Stogey defender tried to clear the ball but it hit Scales and went in past the bewildered ‘keeper. A good way to end his goalscoring drought. Head ventured up from the back to let loose a thundering drive from a free kick which just glanced off the left-hand post. Shortly after, Scales pounced on an under-hit backpass to score his second and make it 3-0 at the break.

It was pretty much more of the same after half-time. Stogey’s pressed quite a lot but were unable to break the defence, which was majestically marshalled (alliteration, must be good.) by Alex Head. In truth, everybody defended well when they had to today, and there were very few mistakes. It was one of the usual defenders, Ballo (yes, Ballo, he of the shambling gait and the roguish good looks. No, really.) who was able to storm forward and strike his first goal of the season with the outside of his right foot. Doesn’t score tap-ins, does Chris. Four became five when a beautiful Perceys move resulted in a great lay-off from Scales to Cocks, who hardly had to break stride to sweep it home in style. Really, it was just like watching Brazil, as the referee so astutely pointed out.

The final Perceys goal (yes, I am rather running out of steam in this report, can you tell?) brought Scales his hat-trick, with a cute finish after good build-up from Cole and Cocks. A clean sheet would have polished the evening off a treat, and it looked likely as long as the Perceys passed the ball around as though it was on a piece of elastic. If we’d had any supporters, they’d have been doing that thing where they cheer each successful pass. Alas, though, a bizarre goal right at the end denied the Percey’s the clean sheet, as a race between Cocks and a Stogeys forward for the ball resulted in both of them running through the box. Somehow, against all the law of physics, the momentum of the ball seemed to stop it just outside the ‘D’, and it was the Stogeys man who recovered first to take it round Kingdon (who, whilst not having much to do, was excellent – distribution particularly so) and score the consolation.

So, a good evening for the indomitable Perceys, who have now gone 3 without defeat. Just a shame that our ever-growing fan club (well, 2!) didn’t get to see it. Next time, perhaps.

Team; Kingdon; Head; Badcott; Ballard; Cocks; Cole; Scales: Started in a silly blue cardigan thing; Murray