A pre-game goalkeeping crisis had been the main worry before this game. With Scales on holiday (jammy bastard), Murray was drafted in, and the enigmatic figure of Twiggy Faulkner was persuaded to go in goal by the Pornmeister, possibly with the promise of a year’s subscription to Mayfair or something.

Bikin’ Motion looked to be one of those teams stacked with local football players. You know, the kind who take one look at the motley crew that are the Perceys and try not to snigger. I thought they looked like a load of bananas in their girly yellow kit, myself. They should be men and wear something functional, like black and white, or, or, red, or something. Anyway…the game.

Percey’s started slowly, and soon found themselves forced to defend against some early Bikin’ pressure. There was much more of a work ethic about the good guys today, and Percey’s didn’t really look too threatened until one of their guys cut in from the right and unleashed a nice shot to make it 0-1. At this stage, the worry was that we would do a typical Percey collapse and concede a hatful. However, the defence held firm, and as the half-time whistle neared, Perceys visibly grew in confidence, and James Down (playing very well in an unfamiliar striking role) was able to convert Badcott’s low cross with some panache.

As the teams turned around, some of the opposition players were heard (by me, at least) to say things like “We’re better than this”, which in fairness, was probably true. But Perceys were playing well, as a team, and passing it around as well as were during that great run last winter.

A chance for the opposition came from a pass right through the middle, leaving the Motion man (hah) one-on-one with Faulkner. Somehow, the striker lost his nerve (probably from looking at Twiggy glowering from underneath his hat) and ex-Pies made a great save. It showed the desperation of Bikin’ Motion that some of their players appealed for a penalty on the ground of ‘outside the area’. But the referee waved it away, and indeed, the referee had a good game all-round.

Suddenly, though, Perceys started to press towards goal. A series of free-kicks and corners proved fruitless until James Down scored direct from a free-kick with a lovely strike that went in off the post. Bikin’ Motion were shellshocked, and Perceys created a couple more good chances, the highlight of which was a beautiful 4-or-5 man move that resulted in the Banana defender making a great last-ditch saving tackle to deny Down his hat-trick.

In the last five minutes, Perceys fitness (or lack of!) started to take its toll. With less than 60 seconds to play, a good Motion move down their right flank resulted in an agonising goal as Faulks was nutmegged. The defending was, frankly, shocking, and the man who should have been covering the run just didn’t have enough pace to catch him. Better luck next time, Ballo.

All in all a very good game for Percey’s. We passed the ball around well, defended valiantly, and our workrate was 100% better than the previous game. Even Cocksy couldn’t find anything bad to say, which shows you how impressive we were.

Team: Faulkner; Head; Badcott; Cole; Cocks; Ballard; Down: Started as sub: Murray