I know it’s unlike me to talk about something weird (?!) but tonight I’m going to talk about beards.
Does anybody actually like beards? Every bloke I know who has a beard (or even a ‘tache) is ridiculed for it. My old man had a beard, and I took the piss out of him, consistently, from the age of about 10, when I learnt the meaning of “taking the piss out of”, and also when Noel Edmonds was on the box a lot.
The real reason is….i’ve been thinking of growing a beard, just for a laugh, to see if i like it. Various reasons, really….one, i like a laugh, and two, i’m really really (i mean really) crap at shaving. The only problem is, how does one grow a beard?
No, don’t laugh.
If I hadnt had a shave for a day or two. (probably cos I’m mildly afraid of the electric i got for christmas) all I develop is a sort of sad, hairy outcrop…like my chin wants a beard, but is scared that it wont see the sun again. And then, before, I get a chance to achieve full Rolf-Harris-hood, somebody says “ooh, can’t you afford a razor?”, and I’m back where I started. I’ve always looked quite young, which was a bugger when I was 17 and trying to get into clubs, but could be a good thing in years to come. I wanted to grow a beard when I was that sort of age, but obviously the hormones weren’t aroundĀ 
So, any suggestions? to beard or not to beard, that is the question.
I should point out, that’s its pretty unlikely. I think I’d look like a right tosser. Plus my mum would moan at me, and I’m sure pretty everybody understands that that’s no funĀ 
For “moan” read “take the piss out of”