I read something interesting in the newspaper today..Apparently “Britain is in the grip of a terrifying explosion in sexual diseases!” Look at the stats it threw at me – Aids; up 203% Syphilis; up 500% Chlamydia; up 108% Gonorrhea up 86%.
I think I’ve stumbled upon the reason. It’s because the diseases are so bloody difficult to spell and say. (ok, work with me here..) Now, imagine that these nasty little afflictions had nice, simple names. You wouldn’t feel at all embarassed about going to the doctor, because he’d be able to talk to you in nice, simple (laymen’s) terms.
“Ah, hello, doctor, I think I have a slight problem in the joy department. Can’t seem to shake the little blighter off!”
“Panic not, Mr Ballard, you appear to have a slight case of Eric, nothing to worry about. Take two of these tablets three times a day, and try not get to close to any more bulgarian sailors.”
Still, if the reports are to be believed, STI’s could be pretty widespread in a few years. That’d make lonely hearts columns much more fun to skate around.
“Single lady, 27, seeks solvent man to spend fun days out and wild nights in with. no GSH.”
…no GSH? but what’s wrong with a sense of humour, I hear you ask? Well, nothing really, ( i dont mind a bit of laughter in a relationship, as long as there’s no pointing) but this is the STI-era, remember. GSH stands for Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Herpes. Not the sort of thing you want on a first date.
To be honest, I’m not qute sure why I decided to write about this particular subject. Anyway, kids…the moral of the story is wear a condom. They tend to work much better when not being used to make balloon animals, by the way.
If that doesnt give you any joy, do what I do and just use your face as a contraceptive