Top 10 things not to say when you’re in bed with a woman

1. Would your friend be up for a threesome?

2. Don’t worry, it’s personality that counts. (trust me on this, I actually said this once. Waterworks ensued)

3. You’re better than your sister

4. Your sister was better.

5. Who da man!?! I da man!

6. Trust me, you’ll like it when you’re down there.

7. Have you farted?

8. Tee hee, I’ve farted!

9. He shoots, he scores!!

10. Zzzzzzzz!

And, just so that i can say I’ve maintained equality…

Top 10 things not to say when you’re in bed with a man.

1. Hurry up, I’ve just put the kettle on.

2. Is that it?!

3. That’s not how they do it in ‘Sex and the City’

4. Start without me, I’ve nearly finished this book now.

5. It’s not a race, you know.

6. I’m not doing that again!

7. Go on, put on the Gladiator outfit again.

8. Oh, honey, I hardly ever fake it. Only when I’m with you.

9. I love you. (ladies, try it. see the look of fear.)

10. Zzzzzzzz!